1. |
Pearls
04:00
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Growing up is more than drinks and parties
And letting a boy see you without your clothes
People don’t grow like hair and nails but
Like expanding cities, buildings, and roads
It’s not about getting to the finish line first
Finding a job and a man, a mortgage, see,
It’s about liking yourself and where you are
Life’s not a chain, it’s a tapestry
And people don’t dry like paint, they go back and forth
Going out won’t make us like staying in less or more
It’s not black and white, we were given eyes
To see shades of grey and rainbows in the sky
One girl can have a drink, snuggle up, and sing
Heavy metal ballads and sitcom themes
And the world won’t stop: it keeps going
I will always prefer a piano bench over a barstool
But that doesn’t mean I’m swearing off liquor
You can’t write songs just by reading books
Sipping on life is so much quicker
And the world wasn’t just built for two
Life’s not an ad on Craigslist for one bedroom
People can’t be shamed just for marching forward
We can’t wait around once we’re ready to move
And people don’t dry like paint, they go back and forth
Staying in won’t make us like going out less or more
It’s not this or that, we were given lives
To spend with old friends and meet with newer minds
One girl can wear high heels, join the football team
Flirt with all the guys, get a PhD
And the world won’t stop: it keeps going
People don’t live in two dimensions, no
We are Rubik’s cubes, we are 3D
And change is terrifying,
But what’s scarier is not changing.
Take these pearls and see
That people don’t live like that, we don’t age like wine
How you live might be different from how I live mine
We’re not yin and yang, but a Venn diagram
Crossing paths again and again and again and again
And people don’t dry like paint, they go back and forth
Going out won’t make us like staying in less or more
It’s not black and white, we were given eyes
To see shades of grey and rainbows in the sky
One girl can smoke a joint, write a novel
Tweet seven times a day, help her mother clean
Make out with her friends while a bit tipsy
Stay at home and watch some late-night TV
And the world won’t stop: it keeps going…
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2. |
Black Sheep
03:25
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Mary-Jane was feeling stuck
Tired of all that brought her up
It took her by the throat and dragged her down
There were roads she was thrown upon
Even though she had built her own
Daddy’s girl, but down inside she’s grey
How could Mary-Jane search for herself
When they all wanted someone else?
Still nobody could spark a care in her
She’ll try to pay up all her fares
She’ll try to make it work out for a reason
But she was blank, and bare
If only they could see her
Now her voice rings raw and true
But still her head stays so confused
They said they could empathize: impossible
A block away and she was lost
All things chaotic happening all at once
Her black sheep wool was out of bounds, it hurt
With time she’s learned to sleep at night
But she’s so lost in a firefight
Still they could feed her lies, but she saw the truth
She’ll try to pay up all her fares
She’ll try to make it work out for a reason
But she was blank, and bare
If only they believed her
But they knew little root to her pain
They couldn’t grab the rope to understand it
It happened again and again
If only it was better
On again and on again they’d laugh as she talked
But soon within the future they’d immediately stop
They couldn’t comprehend why Mary-Jane’s blue
She had to say goodbye to escape solitude
If only she wore white wool
(She wouldn’t stand out from the herd, she’d be heard)
If only she wore white wool
(She has black wool, look at what you’re doing to her)
If only she wore white wool
Her black sheep wool was out of bounds, it hurt
She’ll try to pay up all her fares
She’ll try to make it work out for a reason
But she was blank and bare
And she finally lost it, had to say
“If only I could break this circle
If only I could find some goddamn peace
Why am I the black sheep?
If only it wasn’t you, no
If only it wasn’t this.”
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3. |
Tony Stark
04:08
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Did not take long for me to know that you were a superhero
It's funny, looking back
Took way too long to realize that I am swimming in lies
And I feel sick
I'm too much, but I feel wide awake when I'm with you
I know, it's too much, but you say it's not
And we ran in the dark, I couldn't catch Tony Stark
You were built in a cave with a box of scraps, didn't know that much about you
I was taking it slow, but were you yes? Were you no?
I could swear that I knew when I saw your face when you talked about Iron Man 2
I knew
We still assemble time to time, and I feel totally fine
At least I think so
The current frame is nice to read, but the next page terrifies me
And I feel sick
It's too much, it's like you stuck shrapnel into my heart
I knew I was too much, I am
And we ran in the dark, I couldn't catch Tony Stark
You were built in a cave with a box of scraps, didn't know that much about you
I was taking it slow, but were you yes? Were you no?
I could swear that I knew when I saw your face when you talked about Iron Man 2
I was ready to burst, but I had to know first
You wear your supersuit to keep danger out, but it blocks the good things too
I could say that I've learned, but I still feel burned
It is all that I want to be Pepper Potts, but I'm pretty sure I'm not
It's too much, the city's crumbling, Avengers can't save it
I know it's too much, but it's really not
And we ran in the dark, couldn't catch Tony Stark
You were built in a cave with a box of scraps, didn't know that much about you
And if I were to fall, would you notice at all?
I could swear that I knew when the silence fell when I said that I loved you
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4. |
Bound
03:50
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On and on I dress in despair
But never let my lungs be aware
On and on I fight the same fight
Convinced my broken bones are alright
'Cause I’m bound by your love
And I’m blinded by trust
And I can’t stand this theme
I was so dumb to dream
On and on I feel the sun rise
But I can’t look, the sight hurts my eyes
On and on I break the ceiling
But I can’t stop my head from reeling
'Cause I’m bound by your love
And I’m blinded by trust
And I can’t stand this theme
I was so dumb to dream
I am bound, I am bound
'Cause I’m bound by your love
But I’m choking on dust
And I’m bound by ideals
Never learned how to feel
'Cause I’m bound by your love
And I’m blinded by trust
And I can’t stand this theme
I was so dumb to dream
On and on I tell you I’m fine
Then fall back in an old frame of mind
On and on I lie in the dirt
Switch and then forget that I hurt
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5. |
Slut Dress
03:52
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Collect yourself and suffer while he moans
“Oh that was great, baby. Now find your way back home.”
Despite the pain; the dripping bleeding cuts
I don’t think that you recall September’s crying slut
But now, you’re always on my mind
You are always on my mind
You never go: a phantom in my fears
You’re darkening my door; choose to ignore my tears
I can’t go back, throw on a pair of jeans
I’ll spend my years obsessing over just what clothing means
How I loved that dress I wore
I don’t wear it anymore
Shuffle all your cards and deal
Take your slut dress off and kneel
Your filthy mouth ain’t worth your “no no no no no”
You got away. Erased right from the earth.
And though it’s better that way, it only brings me hurt.
Your name’s a curse to cauterize my lungs
And I’m pretty sure that mine is never on your tongue
Scared of the dark with no flashlight
I wish you murdered me that night
So ask yourself, realign, how’s your life worth more than mine?
I know evil does exist, ‘cause I taste it on your lips
Go ahead! Tell your boys about the slutty little toy
Tell them how she begged and wept while your morals softly slept
Tell your mother that she bled, tell your sister what you said
Wash the stains out from your bed while she wishes she was dead
I’m okay but I’m still a slut
But I’m okay. I’m okay.
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6. |
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My family wept for thirteen hours
And we couldn’t sleep, or run, run away
When it is spring they bring you flowers
But they’ll never bloom ever again
My family wept for thirteen hours
And some of us still cry every day
My aunt sleeps alone.
And we haven’t breathed since the day that we wept
Lock the door, draw the blinds
Hide yourself amongst the memories left behind
Shut the attic hatch, dust the halls
When the rain is leaking out the fissures in the walls
My family wept for thirteen days
The first day of June we hated
My father said it was his worst day
When they gutted the house
And the neighbours; they’re asking what’s the matter
And they bring us cheap bouquets and deep dish platters
And we sit on couches made of leather
And we rot inside this empty house together
My family wept for thirteen hours
Your son started crying over the phone
And we couldn’t leave the ivory tower
That separates us from the family home
Lock the door, draw the blinds
Hide yourself amongst the memories left behind
Shut the attic hatch, dust the halls
When the rain is leaking out the fissures in the walls
And my cousins are sleeping in the cellar
To escape the howling winds of stormy weather
And the garden is feeling pretty lonely
Like my family
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7. |
The Underbelly
03:39
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You don’t need to look no more
You don’t need to see my skin
I’m a cadaver walking around
I am a surgeon’s rag, crumpled on the ground
I don’t need stitches, my blood doesn’t flow
A sarcomaniac, cutting right to the bone
You don’t need to look no more
You don’t need to know my skin is sore
You think I can let it go
But the underbelly’s soft as snow
Heard you say you think I’m made of stars
But the underbelly is adorned with scars
I don’t need shelter, I live in the soil
I don’t need Jesus, I’m already anointed with oil
Thought you couldn’t be embalmed alive?
One little cut and now I’m struggling to survive
Heard you say you think I’m made of stone
But it’s rigor mortis making me its home
You don’t need to look no more
You don’t need to know my skin is sore
You think I can let it go
But the underbelly’s soft as snow
You don’t need to see this pain
You should probably just look away
You think you already know
But the underbelly’s soft as snow
Heard you say you think I’m made of stars
But the underbelly is adorned with scars
I am a beating heart beneath the earth
Sliced to ribbons but I promise it doesn’t hurt
I don’t expect that you could ever know
‘Cause my disgusting underbelly
I’ll never show
You don’t need to look no more
Please don’t witness me with my flesh torn
You think I can let it go
But the underbelly’s soft as snow
Heard you say you think I’m made of stars
But the underbelly is adorned with scars
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8. |
Bloom
03:42
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I see you black out the sky because it’s easy to do
And then you light up the sun, but only when you want to
You perk me up when I’m wilting but you don’t have a clue
How it hurts, how it hurts
And you give me just enough so that I cannot complain
And then you turn a blind eye when I allude to my pain
I know you think that I’ll bloom with just the fall of the rain
But I won’t, and I don’t
And it hurts when you are with me
And it hurts when you aren’t
And it hurts when you talk to me
Because I know your words don’t hold any heart
And I wish that it were different
Maybe we could take root
And I know that you feel sorry
And that you’ll never feel the way that I do
But I wish that you would
You know we’d be better off if you would give up your fear
‘Cause now I’m fucking up the soil with the salt of my tears
We’re a perennial: we die and we come back every year
But it’s worse, it gets worse
I was brave when I told you how I felt about it
We had a conversation, but it feels like we never did
It’s like you think that I brushed it off and got over it
And that hurts, god it hurts
And it hurts when you don’t see me
And it hurts when you do
Even after everything I’ve been through
Nothing kills me more than you do
And we’re never reaching full bloom
We get close and then it falls through
Sometimes I wish I never met you
But for nothing I would trade you
God I think I could die
And I should find another garden where it’s easy to grow
Maybe with herbs, but flowers are all that I know
So now we watch my leaves fall off and decompose
And it hurts when you are with me
And it hurts when you aren’t
And it hurts when you look at me
Because I know you don’t see my bleeding heart
And we’re never reaching full bloom
‘Cause we die before we get to
I’d be better off to leave you
But I couldn’t stand to lose you
I think I’d rather die
Either way I will die
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9. |
Secondhand Smoke
04:29
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I have never touched a cigarette, my parents told me no
They said it’s not a habit they want to pass on, so just don’t
But they lit up in the house! Hid round corners in the hall
I don’t smoke, but I live inside these yellow-stained walls
It gets in my eyes and burns
Hope I survive
I don’t think that you have got a clue
How your smoke diffuses through the room
Maybe it’s my fault, I never said
That the smell would follow me to bed
You have blacked out my lungs
Guess it’s just something you never knew
You beg me for a light
You don’t know what it’s like
I have never been distracted by withdrawal in my day
I have only felt relief when I finally get away
Still they tell me to “relax! It has null to do with you!”
Mom and daddy risk their lives but it’s gonna kill me too
It gets in my throat and hurts
It’s just secondhand smoke
I don’t think that you have got a clue
How your smoke diffuses through the room
I don’t think you really care to know
That the smell would permeate my clothes
You have blacked out my lungs
Guess your one true love is nicotine.
Try to quit or get away from me!
I don’t think you really understand
How much I don’t want to find a man
He’ll try to hide his habit but I’ll know
'Cause mom and dad gave me a nose for smoke
You have blacked out my lungs
Guess it’s just something you never knew
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10. |
Fish
04:08
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Does anybody know how you’re supposed to feel when the waves come crashing down?
Does anybody know how you’re supposed to swim when the sea wants you to drown?
Do they know? Could they ever know how?
They don’t think, yet I hear them speak now
Does anybody know if little fish feel pain?
Because I don’t believe they do
Why does it feel wrong to flush them down the drain, if that’s true?
I’ll throw up when I’m rid of it all
Can’t grow up, can’t get bigger at all
Not alone when I wanted to be
Tiny fish felt so separate from me
Never was, and was never gonna be
But you were. I was there.
You had eyes and I saw them with mine
Does anybody know what you’re supposed to do when you lose what you don’t want?
How can it feel bad to not be feeling sad?
But feel hollow when it’s gone?
I can’t breathe underwater, you know
Far away, I’m stuck watching you float
There’s no love in your heart for this
Let it go! It was just a fish!
You’re so dumb and surprised
Don’t you know fish have eyes?
Settle down, you’d be sick if they were hazel brown
It’s the product of something you wanted
And now that it’s died
You cry
You cry
Over a fishy you cry
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11. |
Cresting for the Fall
04:05
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It’s one of those days
Cresting for the fall
Running far, gushing hard
It’s one of those days
Leaving you for dead
In your bed, in your head
Oh but you won’t ever let you feel you
If you just sit
Thinking in your head how hard it’s gonna be
Dreaming in your mind when you can’t sleep
I was running up and down the hallway screaming
“Oh my god! There’s something in the house watching me!”
And the voices in my head all say I’m crazy
But it’s hard to be yourself when you’re sinking through the fog of your own brain
But it’s just one of those days
It’s one of those days
Hands tight on the wheel
Too much light, too much feel
It’s one of those days
Taking six pills
Tremble hard....still
Oh but you won’t ever let you hurt you
If you just move
Thinking in your head how hard it’s gonna be
Dreaming in your mind when you can’t sleep
I was running up and down the hallway screaming
“Oh my god! There’s something in the house watching me!”
And the voices in my head all say I’m crazy
But it’s hard to be yourself when you’re sinking through the fog of your own brain
But it’s just one of those days
It’s just one of those days
Oh but you won’t ever let you break you
If you run
Thinking in your head, oh heaven save me
I have no one in the world who fucking loves me
I was locking all the doors and gritting my teeth
I was shaking on the floor, I don’t know happy
And the voices egg me on with thoughts and memories
Of the times when they ignored my texts and feelings
Of the crippling hurt and pain
But it’s just one of those days.
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12. |
Gold
03:32
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He's got this vigor, so rare for one to behold
When I first saw him, the space around him turned gold
He doesn't see it, he thinks he's common, he doesn't know
He's known unbearable pain, at the end of his rope
He copes by filling his body with Advil and dope
Such an unusual smile, it's flawless, I've told him so
But he still thinks he's copper
So he'll settle for a copper soul
But he's gold
They spend him like a penny, but he's more than they can afford
He's gold, he's gold
He's El Dorado-born
He's gold, he's gold, he's gold
But he refuses to know
Her mother tells her she walks with power and grace
I see the gleam of it on her strange pretty face
Her molten eyes burn like chocolate, ribbons of liquid gold
She sees the beauty in every heart but her own
Her twisted vision lives in her veins and her bones
This gilded creature; she glistens, and I know that she's been told
But she still thinks she's copper
So she settles for these copper souls
But she's gold
They spend her like a penny, but she's more than they can afford
She's gold, she's gold
She's El Dorado-born
She's gold, she's gold, she's gold
But she refuses to know
They talk about me like I'm as soothing as rain
I don't believe them, I think they must be insane
Wish they could see that they're better in all ways, but no, they don't
‘Cause they still think they're copper
So they settle for copper souls
But they're gold
They self-define as pennies, but they're more than I can afford
They're gold, they're gold
They're El-Dorado born
They're gold, they're gold, they're gold
But they just don't want to know.
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13. |
Hummingbird
03:44
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Talk to me. I see you hide your eyes.
The crypt is calling you: show me your eyes
Still be heard
Just a flower cracked through the pavement side
Your coffin’s calling you: break through the lies
Eat your words
You tried to comprehend the rust, the stains
Still I
Make the wish that you won’t cut your wrists
And call it suicide
Where are you going, cyanide?
Broken ribs, both Cain and Abel
Bleeding on the metal table
“What’s the use? You’re absurd!”
What’s the word, hummingbird?
Your face is your disguise
Don’t close your eyes.
Walk away from all the petty cliques
‘Cause it’s like politics: you won’t be seen
Never heard
Your family forgot the music that you called home
The windowpane’s frozen: you’ve faced this dragon alone
You tried to erase all the shame,
The fear that you’ve become, my dear
Still I
I make the wish that you won’t cut your wrists
And call it suicide
Where are you going, cyanide?
“You run away, you never planned to stay
Resort to suicide!”
But it will not happen. Stand aside.
Wondered what’s beyond the veil
When life was just a fairytale
“What’s the use? You’re uncured,
I’ve inferred, hummingbird.”
Your face is your disguise
Don’t close your eyes
“There’s no point, no turning back
No help for helpless minds!”
And I realize that if you took your life,
It’s just like if you hide
So don’t you dare.
“Kill the leeches! Slay the demons!”
Temptation controls your feelings
What’s the use? That’s absurd!
Speak the words, hummingbird!
Your face is your disguise
But what comes next is the surprise.
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kelpi Vancouver, British Columbia
Hailing straight from the faerie realm, kelpi is still trying to figure out how human life works. She's doing her very best to tell her story through song~~~
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